I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
