No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
