Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
