Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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