Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to calm my uterus...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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