you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
