even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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