I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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