I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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