I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
