Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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