Im at strip club and am horny
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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