I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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