K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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