Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
