You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
