yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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