She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
