ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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