You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
