The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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