Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
