i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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