u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize