What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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