yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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