even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
