how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
