mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
