I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
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somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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