I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
