am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
