Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
