I looked at my own cervix.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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