I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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