My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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