he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
