i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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