What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
