toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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