Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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