so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
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they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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