His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
