A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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