she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
