Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
