420 ftw
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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