He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
