Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
