Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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