That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
