I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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