No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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