the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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