Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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