it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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