At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
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