i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
