you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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