After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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