Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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