I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
