She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
