and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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