i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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