Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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