I can text with my tongue
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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