Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
