You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
